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I've never felt more disconnected from my friends. Or my classmates in general.

I've definitely become an outcast this year, and I'm not really sure why exactly. I don't particularly care about the general population of my department as much as the few friends I choose to keep close to me have basically abandoned me. Which is an awesome feeling.

Most of the time, I feel like a ghost in my own house.

So live it up guys...I never thought leaving you would be so easy.

There seem to be a lot of school shootings going on right now. This past week has seen 2 shootings at the same school in Memphis, a shooting at Northern Illinois University, and a shooting at a jr. high school in California.

I'm incredibly upset about it. Meanwhile, Arizona legislature is trying to pass a law to allow anyone - anyone - with a concealed weapons permit to take their gun onto school campuses. Why?

Fuck you, America, I'm going to England.

And I can't sleep...I keep waking up at 6 am.

And I keep having weird dreams! The other night I had a sex dream about my professor...which was interesting. And last night I had a dream about one of my classmates. We were dating, and he came over to my parents house (where my mom was being nice?) where we cuddled and shit and he got my cat to like him, which is a big deal...and it was just cute. I blame Valentine's Day.

I know that it's stupid and an unfair thing to say...but it really upsets me when all my friends go out to the bar. Especially when friends of mine who don't even usually hang out suddenly become besties when its time to go drink. And I get to sit at home on LJ.

I think I´m going to abandon you soon, LJ.

Though I´ll probably start a new blog. I just really feel done with this one.

I have a final at 8am. It is now 12:28 am. I have not opened my book. Eh. I've given up almost completely on this class. I will probably get a D. Possibly an F. Eh. As long as I can manage to keep my scholarship and keep my GPA above a 3.0 I will be fine. --I might just get completely blazed for it--

I'm directing Closer and it's already a nightmare. I had people drop out of callbacks. I've had cast members drop out. I've had production team members drop out/waffle on their decision to do the show.

So far I have:
a production manager
a costume/scenic designer
a technical director?
a dramaturg
a sound designer
a light designer?
a cast

Maybe its not so bad. But I NEED a stage manager.

Sorry journal, it's been like a month. Quick update before I hop in the shower before tech watch for Candide.

I've been working as Asst. Master Electrician on Candide. It's varied between awesome and mental breakdown. But I dig it and I'm pretty sure I'll get Master Elec for Titus (oh gawwwd I want to work on Titus. F...i just want to sit in on production meetings for Titus).

I hate drama (when it involves me). And I am so OVER talking about the very dramatic topic that keeps getting brought to my attention. This is why I don't like to talk after sex.

I bought a pipe! And broke it the next day. Sad stuff. I'm gonna buy another one tonight I think...or tomorrow.

Across the Universe is amazing, and when I have free time again (next week?) I'm gonna see it once more.

I have the hots for my professor. I am so deliciously inappropriate. I just wish I knew HOW to be with the girl who gets with her professor. I also wish I could tell the difference between he's being professional and he's just being nice cus I'm actually really annoying.

Ahhh tomorrow I have ETC from 9-12, a job interview at River and Campbell at 2, and I JUST got an email that one of my "TBA" classes is indeed meeting TOMORROW at 1pm. What the shit kind of notice is that?

I also just remembered that I have an audition sometime on Sunday and I know I got scheduled at Starbucks on Sunday. Shit...

the big interview is tomorrow.

cheers to moving onward and upward!

is the best crying movie.